Oh, the Pain

The pain is so intense tonight.  It has been bad off and on all day, but tonight it is miserable!  We went to Shabbat services, and I was in agony for most of it.  I usually feel so uplifted and positive during and after services, but I just felt sick tonight.  We often will be the last people there because my son loves to play with his friends during the oneg and never wants to leave.  Tonight we left after only about a half hour into the oneg.  He was so upset and I felt miserable, but I was (and still am) in major pain.  I just don't get it.  The CT scan shows only mild inflammation, why am I in so much pain????  According to the information I have, my disease isn't currently as bad as it has been in the past, but the pain is so intense and constant.  It seems that I haven't had a day without a period of intense pain since before I can remember.  I think I'd prefer constant D to this constant pain.  But in my experience, constant D is accompanied by pain.

I finally got everything straightened out with the insurance company, and they approved my visit to the Mayo Clinic.  The timing of my appointment isn't ideal, as my husband is an election judge the day before, so he has a long day of work, my son doesn't really want to sleep over at a classmate's house and we have to be back to the twin cities no later than 5:45 to get him from aftercare.  I'll have to figure it out and just have faith that everything will work out.  I can't drive myself, because the pain is so intense when it comes it is unsafe to drive that much.  I am ruled by pain now.

I have 2 kinds of pain meds available to me right now.  Tramadol and Vicodin.  The Tramadol doesn't do much for the pain, but it doesn't affect my bowels.  The Vicodin actually helps pretty good with the pain (but I hate how loopy it makes me) but it slows my bowels down so much that the next day the pain might actually be worse.  Right now, I'm not taking either, because I don't want the bowel complications but I also find that the Tramadol doesn't help anyway, so why take it?

I wish I could wave a magic wand and just feel better already.  I have lost faith that I'll ever feel ok for any amount of time again.