How Much Poop Can One Body Produce?

It seems like I'm going for some sort of record of going.  I've had lots and lots of D today, and most of the time, it isn't a small amount.  I guess all that eating I did on Thanksgiving is catching up to me.  I am having pretty intense pain tonight, but as it is really sharp, but only for a few minutes at a time, I am going to just deal with it instead of taking a pain killer.  I might try a heating pad, but then it will be pressure on my abdomen, which is its own sort of pain.  When I try to explain this to my husband, he rolls his eyes, as I am sure he is so sick of me being sick and thinks everything causes me pain.

I can't wait for my husband to go back to work and my son to go back to school.  If I were working, I'd want the long holiday weekend to last, but now I just want to lie down and cry in peace and quiet.  It is always harder when their home.  They know I'm sick, but they still expect me to be like usual.  It is just a bit harder for me.  I try to do as much as possible for them, but it isn't always easy.  Today, my husband took my son to the zoo and they were gone for about 5 hours, and it was still hard on me.  Oh, well.  I guess it isn't so bad.

Thanksgiving

Today is Thanksgiving and I have so much to be thankful for.  I have a wonderful husband and incredible son.  I have a large family and for all their faults, I love them all very much.  We have a comfortable house and always have enough to eat.  We have enough money to pay for our needs and even some left over to pay for some wants.

However, with all that, I wish I had one more thing.  The one thing I wish I had more than anything else.  I wish I had good health.  There are so many things I would trade for good health, but it isn't the kind of thing that can be bought or bargained for.  Some people can improve their health by changing their lifestyle but that won't cure me.

I tapered on my Entocort on Monday.  I could feel it by Tuesday and by today I am miserable.  I had a lot of fun with my family, and we ate good food, but I was in the bathroom 6 times in the 6 hours we were at my mother's place.  The toilet paper was like sandpaper on my hemorrhoids, so on top of the horrible pain and D, I have inflamed hemorrhoids, too.  When we got home, I took some pain pills, and I can feel them effecting my thinking.  Once my son goes to sleep, I might try to take a sitz bath, as that helps some with the hemorrhoids.  Even though I hate taking a bath it is one thing I do that works.

Yesterday was special person day at my son's school, and besides my husband and myself, his special people were my mother and my brother in law and niece.  He loved getting to show them off to his friends and teachers.  I feel very blessed for his school, as it is such a great learning environment for him, and it is a great community for our entire family.  In fact, Tuesday night, we had a mom's night out.  In the end, only 6 of us could make it, but we talked and laughed and shared until close to 11:00.  It helps sometimes, even when I feel miserable, to socialize like that.

Monday I had a phone conference with my long term disability case manager.  I hope they approve me, as I think going back to work will just result in me having to go out on disability again, and in the meantime, it would be that much harder on me.  I honestly believe if I go back to work, I will probably end up back in the hospital, as the stress of working, and the inability to take it easy when I need to will lead to my Crohn's getting even worse than it is now, and that is saying something.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and realizes how truly blessed we are.

Snow!

We got our first snow fall of the season yesterday.  Originally, we were supposed to only get rain, but instead got just over 2 inches of snow.  My son is very excited about it, and has spent hours already playing in it.  Too bad we never got the leaves up before the snow fell.  This should melt in a couple of days, as it is supposed to be near 60 degrees by Wednesday, so at the least we will be able to get the leaves off the driveway.  If not, it will be near impossible to shovel this winter.

I've been doing mostly ok for the past few days.  Not too bad, at least.  Until today, and the return of the butt pee.  I am not happy to see it back.  I've also been wondering if for "normal" people, BMs hurt.  I'm not talking about butt pee or even D, but relatively normal BMs.  For me, even when I'm down to two or three BMs a day, mostly formed, they cause pain.  I have no idea why, but according to my husband, it doesn't hurt for him to have a BM.  It has been so long, I don't even know what is normal and what isn't.

My disability claim has been sent to long term disability now.  Tomorrow I have a phone interview with them. My husband doesn't understand why I don't apply for Social Security benefits, but I guess I'm in denial about how sick I am.  According to someone who works at my company, my team thinks I'm not coming back.  I haven't said that, though.  Again, denial is strong.

Bloody Nose

The heat has been on pretty consistently over the past week as it is now mid-November and temperatures are not getting above 60 any more and lows are at or near freezing.  So the air is now bone dry.  I have had this cold since last Wednesday, and it is not getting any better.  Sunday night I got my first bloody nose of the season.  And then Monday I got two more.  And today another one.  I am going to see if I can get in to my primary care provider to get the vessel cauterized because there must be one bad one in there that keeps popping whenever I sneeze or cough hard.  However, I am also coughing up blood in mucus and swallowing blood, which has such a disgusting taste.

I had signed up to drive for a field trip with my son's class to a food shelf, and as I felt ok this morning (the cough always gets worse as the day goes on) so I went.  The kids were fun to listen to in the car, and I love eavesdropping on their conversations when they forget that I am there.  They watched a movie on sharks which was nice as it was about a 20 minute drive.  It was interesting to see what the food shelf actually looks like, and the kids enjoyed stocking the shelves with all the food we brought.

Yesterday, I slept until noon.  It has been a long time since I did that, but I think the cold is messing with me.  My husband hates when I snore as he wears a C-PAP to keep him from snoring at my demand.  And I've been waking up coughing, which also wakes him up.  So I've been sleeping on the couch at night, which hasn't been too bad, since I can sleep in the bed during the day.  I also napped today from 2 until 8:30.  I really don't want to be sleeping all day and up most of the night, but instead I'm just sleeping most of the day and most of the night.  I wish I had energy.  Between the cold and the Crohn's, I am 100% zapped.  I am so glad we are not hosting Thanskgiving this year.  It was our turn, but I've hosted in the past with an uncontrolled flare and swore I'd never do it again.  So my mother reserved the party room at her building and we're having Thanksgiving there.  I hope it is fun.  Or at least not miserable.

Lucky

Friday night I was having Crohn's pain and a miserable cold.  I can either take vicodin or cold medicine, but not both because they both contain tylenol.  So I was going back and forth, trying to figure out which was worse and what the side effects would be.  Since I also had a headache from the cold, I decided to take a vicodin and a benadryl before bed.  I figured the vicodin would help with the Crohn's pain and the benadryl would help with the cold symptoms.  And combined, they would allow me to sleep.  I did get a good night sleep.

Yesterday, I wasn't feeling all that wonderful, but I realized around 1:00 that I hadn't had a BM yet, which is very unusual for me.  It must have been the vicodin, but around 5:00 I had a painful BM that was difficult to get out.  It must have been the vicodin that did that.  However, ever since, I've had the runs.  And a few almost accidents.  Yippy Skippy! (please note extreme sarcasm)

Originally we were supposed to get a snake yesterday, but when I got ready to go to the reptile store, I found out the plan was changed and we were getting a lizard instead.  At first, I was dismayed that I wasn't consulted about this change of plans, but in the end I think the lizard is a better pet for our son.  We got a bearded dragon lizard that my son named Lucky.  He (or maybe she?) is a very active, interested lizard.  She likes to look at us when we're near her tank, and she moves around quite a bit.  I hope she (or he?) adjusts well.  It was a lot of fun feeding the live crickets and watching Lucky eat them.  The cats are enjoying looking at the crickets.

A Cold Makes Everything Worse

It really does.  You're tired?  That is kind of sucky.  However, tired with a cold is miserable.  You're thirsty?  OK.  But thirsty with a cold is awful.  You've got Crohn's pain?  That is bad enough.  But Crohn's pain with a cold is a special kind of suckiness.

My Crohn's pain today is about a 5.  Normally, that would be annoying enough, but livable.  But if you add a cold to that, it gets me downright crabby and bitchy.  I slept on the couch last night because when I have a cold, it irritates my husband because I snore and cough which wakes him up.  Tonight, I'm sleeping in my bed.  I love my bed.  It is my absolutely favorite thing in the whole world.  About 3 years ago, when we had to replace our old bed, we got a king sized Temperpedic memory foam mattress.  It is like sleeping on a cloud.  The foam molds to your body.  I am now spoiled, and whenever I sleep on a spring mattress, I feel like I can feel the springs.  I want to sleep in my bed, especially because I'm sick!

Tomorrow we're getting a corn snake.  I still can't remember how I got talked into this, but I agreed we could get one.  My son is so excited about it.  I'm not as thrilled about having freeze dried mice in my freezer, but it is better than live mice in the house.  I hope I don't regret getting talked into getting the snake.

My Trip to the Mayo Clinic

Yesterday I had my appointment at the Mayo Clinic.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  In fact, it wasn't bad at all.  The day started off early, and for whatever reason, the alarm didn't go off.  Thankfully, my husband woke up and we rushed to get out of the house.  The drive down was uneventful.  The snow storm shifted and the weather was actually pretty nice.

We got to Rochester, parked and found the right place to check in.  Somehow, some of my information got lost, but I just resupplied it.  They were unable to get my blood pressure reading.  For some reason, it is difficult to get my blood pressure reading from the automated machines.

The doctor was very prompt- we had a very short wait, which is unusual.  She asked a lot of questions, and got my general history.  She also offered me some possible options.  One was Tysabri, a medication that was originally developed for MS.  According to her, the medication works great, however, there are very serious side effects.  If you have a latent virus in your system, it can cause a fatal brain infection.  She said this side effect has a 1 in 1000 risk if you have the virus, odds I am not willing to take.  So before you can take it, you need to check to see if you have the virus.  She also said the virus is present in most people.

She also offered up a way to take 6MP without liver problems.  I am scared of that, because it was awful when I had those problems last time I took 6MP.  She also mentioned clinical trials.  These trials are going on through my GI clinic, so I can participate from home.  However, she wants me to have ANOTHER colonoscopy and upper endoscopy.  Yuck!  Those are now scheduled for November 30.  I am not looking forward to that!  At least I can do them both at the same time.

The appointment was over by 9:00, and the doctor spent close to an hour with me.  After the appointment, my husband and I went out for breakfast at Perkins, since I had been instructed not to eat anything beforehand, in case I needed any tests.  It was a nice chance to hang out together.  I also called my friend, who had our son overnight since we had to leave so early.  She said he had a great time, and that her daughter and my son convinced her to get donuts for breakfast.

We came home and I started getting a sore throat on the way home.  I now have a full fledged cold, with sore throat, stuffy nose and a phlegmy cold.  I guess I was snoring last night, because my husband woke me up a few times.  I often snore when I have a cold.  So I got out of bed around 4 o'clock and tried to sleep on the couch, but that didn't work.  I'm going to try to nap this afternoon before I have to pick up my son at school.

Mayo Clinic Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my appointment at the Mayo Clinic.  We haven't had any snow yet in Minnesota this winter, but Rochester is supposed to get about a half foot of snow overnight tonight.  I really hope they are wrong, because I hate driving someplace unfamiliar when it is snowing.  My appointment is at 7:30AM.  According to my online map, it should take about an hour and a half to get to Rochester, and adding in time for getting lost, we will have to leave the house at 5:30.  Because that is so early, my son is sleeping at a classmate's home tonight.  He's very nervous about it as he's never slept away from either me or my husband.  I am going to miss him terribly tonight.

I hope the appointment tomorrow goes well and doesn't take too long.  I really am not all that thrilled about going in the first place.  I just really hope it isn't a waste of time.

Lazy Sunday

I feel lazy, even though when I have energy, I do stuff.  I just never have any energy, so I rarely do stuff.  Yesterday, my husband took my son to the zoo.  I stayed home because I didn't feel great and I didn't want to have to force them to leave early if (when) I got sick.  So I didn't do much of anything.  I did bake muffins and wash dishes, but really, that wasn't much of anything.

Since we changed the clocks last night, we let our son stay up late last night.  We had a movie night and watched Aladdin.  My son loves the movie, and I actually enjoy it.  I actually enjoy most of the kids movies we have here.  Then after homework, practicing Hebrew and spelling words, he didn't get to bed until after 9:30.  Not a big deal, since the clocks went back an hour while we slept.  My husband and I stayed up and watched SNL.  The skit about the Greek Gods and the Weekend Update explanation of the Euro zone were hilarious.

This morning, I woke up at 7:30 to go to the bathroom, which woke my son up.  He wanted to play Wii, so I set it up for him and got him some breakfast.  I came back up to the bedroom and laid down because I was still tired.  Now my son is at swim lessons and I am home.  I wanted to get some things done around the house, but just washing dishes wiped me out.  I am also having a lot of pain.  I am so f---ing sick of pain!  I wish I had enough energy to live an active life, but that is just not to be.

I also stopped one of my medications.  My doctor had prescribed me dicyclomine to help alleviate my pain.  It is actually for IBS, but it can control spasms of the intestines.  It wasn't doing anything for the pain, and it was making me feel odd.  Plus I noticed I was having problems reading, even with my reading glasses, and changes to vision can be a side effect.  I hope that goes away. 

Oh, the Pain

The pain is so intense tonight.  It has been bad off and on all day, but tonight it is miserable!  We went to Shabbat services, and I was in agony for most of it.  I usually feel so uplifted and positive during and after services, but I just felt sick tonight.  We often will be the last people there because my son loves to play with his friends during the oneg and never wants to leave.  Tonight we left after only about a half hour into the oneg.  He was so upset and I felt miserable, but I was (and still am) in major pain.  I just don't get it.  The CT scan shows only mild inflammation, why am I in so much pain????  According to the information I have, my disease isn't currently as bad as it has been in the past, but the pain is so intense and constant.  It seems that I haven't had a day without a period of intense pain since before I can remember.  I think I'd prefer constant D to this constant pain.  But in my experience, constant D is accompanied by pain.

I finally got everything straightened out with the insurance company, and they approved my visit to the Mayo Clinic.  The timing of my appointment isn't ideal, as my husband is an election judge the day before, so he has a long day of work, my son doesn't really want to sleep over at a classmate's house and we have to be back to the twin cities no later than 5:45 to get him from aftercare.  I'll have to figure it out and just have faith that everything will work out.  I can't drive myself, because the pain is so intense when it comes it is unsafe to drive that much.  I am ruled by pain now.

I have 2 kinds of pain meds available to me right now.  Tramadol and Vicodin.  The Tramadol doesn't do much for the pain, but it doesn't affect my bowels.  The Vicodin actually helps pretty good with the pain (but I hate how loopy it makes me) but it slows my bowels down so much that the next day the pain might actually be worse.  Right now, I'm not taking either, because I don't want the bowel complications but I also find that the Tramadol doesn't help anyway, so why take it?

I wish I could wave a magic wand and just feel better already.  I have lost faith that I'll ever feel ok for any amount of time again.

Food is so Overrated!

I have decided that if I need to get anything done anymore I can't eat beforehand.  Eating causes pain, and pain is bad.  So if I want to drive anywhere, I can't eat.  This morning I drove my son to school, so I didn't eat anything beforehand.  He hates when a parent goes in with him, and if I can, I just drop him off at the front door, but I had to use the bathroom, so I parked and went in with him.  Not that he spent more than a second to say "bye mom!" before running off with his friends.  After dropping him off at school, I went to Target to go grocery shopping.  I had to stop at the bathroom there, too.  There were several people in the bathroom when I got there.  Fortunately the hand dryer is very loud, so no one heard my noisy poop.  The smell I can't do anything about, though.

I got home, unloaded the groceries, and tried to nap, but was unsuccessful at it.  Finally, around noon, I got too hungry, and had a vegetarian chicken patty sandwich.  I paid for it, though.  I am having very narrow BMs when they aren't liquid, which usually indicates a stricture, but the CT didn't show one, or if it did, no one told me about it.

My appointment at the Mayo Clinic is for next Wednesday.  So I called my insurance company to try to get an update on whether the referral had been approved, and they said they still didn't have any information from my doctor.  After much stress and several phone calls, I think the insurance company has all the information they need.  Now to hopefully have a decision in less than a week.

Halloween and the aftermath

Every year for Halloween (or at least the last 2 years) we've gone to my sister's home to take our son Trick or Treating with her girls.  My mom is also there to hand out candy while we take the kids out.  Last night my mom brought pizza for dinner.  I ate a little as pizza rarely causes a problem.  Last night was the exception.  I was so sick.  I think I had over a dozen BMs in just the 4 hours we were there.  I was so sick and felt miserable.  It might not have been the pizza, but I didn't eat anything else unusual yesterday.

Today is a different story.  I slept past 9:00AM.  I was supposed to go grocery shopping today, but I just feel too crappy to do that.  I didn't want to eat anything because I felt so sick, but finally around 1:00 I had some rice and candy.  I probably shouldn't have had the candy, but all this candy in the house is taunting me.  I promised my son ravioli for dinner tonight, but I don't have any pasta sauce and no onions to make any.  I'll have to figure something out.  At least there is some frozen ravioli in the freezer.  Maybe I'll skip all grocery shopping this week and try to get rid of some of the food in the pantry.  But we'd run out of milk and fruit and vegetables pretty quick.  Oh, well.  I guess I do have to get out of the house at least once this week.