Never Going to Get Better

I feel like I'm never going to get better.  I am sure that is not true, but it is feeling like that.  Yesterday was my sister's annual Halloween party.  I went with my husband and son.  She had a taco bar, and I ate some taco.  I probably shouldn't have done that, but I really wanted to, and at this point, it seems like eating what I want doesn't cause that much more pain than eating what I should eat.  I am going to have pain either way, so I might as well eat what I want (within reason, or course.  I still won't be having a green salad any time soon).

I also don't feel comfortable driving any more.  I am constantly worried that I am going to have one of my super sharp pains and it will distract me, possibly causing an accident.  So my husband drove us to the party yesterday.  If I can't drive, though, how will I get the grocery shopping done?  I simply can't do it with my husband and remain married to him.  What about having any sort of a life?  I guess I just don't need to have one anymore.

Anything I do now makes me super exhausted.  I was so worn out yesterday after the party, even though I barely did anything other than sit down and chat with my family.  A friend came over on Friday morning to visit with me, and that wore me out.  We went to a friend's home for Shabbat dinner, and that wore me out.  I made pancakes for breakfast for the family today and that wore me out.  It seems like the smallest thing wears me out.  I practically need naps daily.

I started a new medicine that should help with the pain.  I really hope so.  Tomorrow night is Halloween and we're going to my sister's house to trick or treat in her neighborhood.  I want to be pain free and be able to go out with my son.  I might end up staying home with my mother who will be handing out candy, though.

My appointment at the Mayo Clinic is November 9.  However, when I called my insurance company on Friday to see the status of my request for this to be covered, they said they didn't receive the necessary information.  I hope they get what they need and approve it before hand.  I still have to gather my medical records from Health Partners, but that shouldn't take too much time.  I am not sure what they can do for me that hasn't been done, but I guess I'll wait and see.